Looking for a job…

I spent whole day reading all the text messages my suryan sent me long time ago. Although it hurts when reading some of the text messages, deep down I feel happy, because she loved me more than anyone in her life. My feelings and mood swings so much these days. One minute I am so down then the next minute I want to live a normal life with her memories. But every where I turn I have her memories. So I am not alone. She has not left me alone, but with her lovely memories.

Saturday I spent most of the time walking with my clutches, all around the town centre to find a job. I went to few job agencies to look for jobs. But as soon as people see me with one leg, they would make their mind up that there is nothing suitable for me to do. It’s very difficult to convince them after that. But then again, I don’t blame them as even I know I can’t do much work. Because I lost my leg only a month ago and I have not mastered the art of using clutches without losing my balance. I tell you one thing though, using of clutches is bloody hard.
I finaly got the letter from the council for my permanent disable allowance. When I got the letter I cried for two reasons. One, that I am happy now I will have some sort of money coming in and second, I never thought even in my wildest dreams that I will be relying on the allowance to get my life going. But that’s life isnt it. You will have, all your life well planned and something else will happen to ruin everything.
I still have to get a job, as that will be not enough to pay the rent. As I am partial disable I get only a small amount for a week. I have not paid my rent for weeks now, but my landlord is a very understanding guy. But that’s not an excuse for not paying.
I am selling my car this week. I can’t drive the car with one leg, so I thought of selling it and paying my outstanding rent.
Sunday slept the whole day, as I didn’t want to get up. Even today I only got up twice. I so wanted to call her today to hear my suryan’s voice. My if I call her I will end up hurting her. I even dialled the number. I want to tell her few things so I wrote a letter which I am going to post it to her office.
Tc