Life After Death

I don't know why I started this blog. I did have a blog for more than a year but last May I deleted the blog.

The main reason I am starting to write is I am scared and lonely. I don't have a Internet connection in my room but my laptop picks up wireless connection from nearby industrial area.

So when that goes I might not blog.

As the heading suggests, this is my second life. I did take sleeping tablets last month and survived. But because I was so weak I had a fit and had a fall. That made one of my legs paralyzed. They say it might come back but they have asked me to do some exercises. Still want s to die but i don't have the courage to do anything.

I don't have anybody to talk to these days and its very hard living alone. When I don't have anything to do I think about what happened and will end up crying. So I just wants to write whatever I think so I feel better. People will think that I need sympathy. But its not.

As whoever reads this will not know me so I can say whatever I want. I don't want your sympathy. I used to live with lots of people and now it is very hard living alone.

I am looking for jobs, but it is very hard to get one with one leg. I am getting disable allowance until i find a job.

As you might have guessed by now that I fell in love with a girl and now I have lost her. I want to tell her this website address so she can come and leave a comment just to say how she is doing.

She might not email me or remember my email address but when i tell her this website address she will remember. Because I want her to tell about her and her life. If she comes one day to this site.

Last year this time I had my parents, sisters and my lovely girl friend actually my wife.

now My parents don't talk to me and i have lost her for good. I don't know which one hurts more.

You might think why I am lonely. I lost my job last month. They sacked me. Actually I cant blame my boss. He is a very good man. I took so many days off and made so many mistakes. He did warn me. But i could not help it. It just happened.

I know i am doing so many wrong things and I know i am hurting so many people, but nobody understands me.

I don't have a heart and I have no mercy for others and I am a selfish pig.

I will not read your blogs and comment or reply to your comments. Don't think I am rude but I cant be bothered. I might do..i dont know.

Still trying to think why everything happened to me........

probably you guys think I am a loser and taking all these too far.........trust me I trying not to.

Finding out the hard way how Love hurts....