I have lost faith in God some time ago now. But everyday when I go to sleep just before I fall asleep, I pray for one last thing. I just want to go to sleep and never getup. Even that I dont pray, i guess i just beg from someone up there. If there is God, then i just want to die alone in my bed. The pain i go through is unbearable. I wish I have the guts to just kill myself and be done with it. Honestly I dont know what I have done so bad, that i have been destined to go thru this. Atleast God could have made her happy. Last time i got an email, from her, she wrote something about a operation. Why cant you leave her alone and make her happy.
I cant even stand the fact that i have lost her. Now she is goig through more pain.
Who ever up there...I am begging you to make her happy and make all her dreams come true........
I wish and beg and pray for me not to get up tomorrow morning.
If that happens ..I believe you God again......
Please take me back......
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Suryan...I don't know who you are but I somehow came across your page. Please don't do anything foolish to yourself. I myself am going thru alot...and have been thru alot as well. Many times I have felt like you are now...don't despair...never despair. The wheel will turn...nothing ever remains the way it is...good times will turn bad and the bad times will turn good. Have faith..have hope..You don't have to believe in god. Because the god that you are searching for is in you and no where else.
Tharini
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