Praying God

I have lost faith in God some time ago now. But everyday when I go to sleep just before I fall asleep, I pray for one last thing. I just want to go to sleep and never getup. Even that I dont pray, i guess i just beg from someone up there. If there is God, then i just want to die alone in my bed. The pain i go through is unbearable. I wish I have the guts to just kill myself and be done with it. Honestly I dont know what I have done so bad, that i have been destined to go thru this. Atleast God could have made her happy. Last time i got an email, from her, she wrote something about a operation. Why cant you leave her alone and make her happy.
I cant even stand the fact that i have lost her. Now she is goig through more pain.
Who ever up there...I am begging you to make her happy and make all her dreams come true........
I wish and beg and pray for me not to get up tomorrow morning.
If that happens ..I believe you God again......
Please take me back......